Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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