She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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