We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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