S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
