im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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