im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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