you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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