well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
