I showed him my bush... on skype.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
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