If that was your dad, he is hot
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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