So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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