Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
