I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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