That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
