what day is it and did you see me today?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
