my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
