If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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