I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
