They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
