sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
