So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
