do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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