Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
