Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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