I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
