I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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