her vagine was all disorganized.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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