I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We need a shit load of segways right now
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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