if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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