my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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