so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
