"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
