Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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