I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
