i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
