So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
