You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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