apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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