so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
