Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
