the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
