New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
