he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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