I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
