My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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