I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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