we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
