It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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