I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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