oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
