My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
