and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
