Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
